i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
