All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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