I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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