people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
