A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
