he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
