I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
