Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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