so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
