I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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