Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
