I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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