dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
