i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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