hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
