Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
