the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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