Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
