that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
