The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
