Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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