I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
