STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
