I'm jealous of your bromance
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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