Sponge bath it is.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
