you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
two words...techno handjob
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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