I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
