Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
