based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Send help, water and tortillas.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
