I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
