You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
