if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
