I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
