I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
