her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
