Sry I called you an 8
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
