wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
