Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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