god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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