Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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