just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
