A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
