I looked at my own cervix.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
