oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
