oh god the rape fog is back!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
