I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can feel your judgement through the phone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
