I wish I could teleport
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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