I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
