I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
