it wasn't lemon gatorade
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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