Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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