I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
