when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
