i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
