he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
