WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize