Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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