Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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