it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down