I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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