Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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