fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
