i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
