First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
