I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
