He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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