She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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