Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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