His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cut my penus on the lid.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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