There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I smell like Dick and happiness
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
