Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
