i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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