If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
