No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
