i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
