I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
