Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
