i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm both gender and math confused
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
