all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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