I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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