Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
