do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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