If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
