She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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