I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
