why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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