So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
