I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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