Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you would pick up someone in the library
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
