I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
