piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
