ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
