I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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